Restoring Your Marriage: A Guide to Positive Evolving within a Marriage

Marriage is hard work.  A lifetime commitment for most.  The ‘honeymoon phase can end quite quickly for many as the day-to-day stresses of work, finances, personality differences, and in some cases, children can tear couples apart. The more years a couple spends together the more difficult things can become and even small issues can erupt into constant arguing and bickering.  This is not how it should be, and this guide is written to assist married couples in both the stormy times as well as give advice for future continued happiness. 

Disclaimer:  This marriage guide is not meant to help in any type of abusive situation within a marriage or relationship.  Resources exist if caught in an abusive relationship and these should be sought out.

Let’s start with the pros and cons of this marriage guide

PROS:

• If your marriage is rocky this guide will provide great pointers on how to restore stability and tranquility.
• You will find peace and happiness again possibly with your partner.
• Your stress level will go down as marital problems create enormous amounts of stress.
• All other aspects of your life will improve, as a stressful marriage leaks negativity into your job, your family relationships, and your friendships. Negativity in any part of your life spreads other negativity.
• You will look forward again to coming home to your spouse each night again, instead of dreading it.
• Your sex life will improve and that is a BIG bonus!
• If you have children, they will become joyous as marital tensions affect children tremendously.
• Your partner will also learn to enjoy you and appreciate you again and they should read this marriage guide also.
• You can avoid divorce possibly as that is all too common when too much of a rift occurs between married partners.
• Even if not married legally but in a relationship, this guide can also be useful.

CONS:

• There can be no guarantees that even if you follow all the suggestions in this guide your marriage will succeed or become more enjoyable.
• All points that impact a marriage cannot be covered in one guide.
• This guide will not assist if any type of abuse is occurring within a marriage or a relationship, and that type of relationship should not continue without some type of professional intervention. Even emotional abuse can have long-lasting psychological and physical effects.
• This marriage guide cannot assist with remedying the effects of a tumultuous marriage on any children of the union, and therefore, therapy for the children is recommended while you work on improving your marital and relationship issues.

This Marriage Guide can work if only one person tries

Yes, it will be more impactful if both parties follow the suggestions towards marriage rejuvenation but even if only one makes an effort an improvement can be made.  It does take only one to stop reactionary emotions towards another and that will improve the quality of your married life.  Most marriages fall into a stage of stagnation, especially after many years together and this cycle can be easily broken.  Most arguments amongst married couples are over trivialities that are overlooked by those outside the marriage it’s the amount of time spent together that wears married couples down.  The little habits of a spouse start to seem enormous, and this is an easy cycle to break.

Our Marriage Guide shows you how to evolve into a better marital partner

There are certain things you must learn to do this, and we will list these:

• You must learn to forgive and forget. Yes, even if an argument occurs and hurtful words are spoken, remember, those words were spoken in the heat of an argument.  You should not ruminate repeatedly about the words, even if your spouse declares that they hate you or no longer love you.  Chances are they are spoken without thinking and your spouse regrets them.
• Instead of responding with hurtful words yourself, try just silently going over to your spouse and giving them a big hug or kiss.
• This is a BIG one! NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY.  Talk things over before retiring for the night and settle arguments.  Going to bed angry makes both parties wake up still caught up in the feeling of anger the next day.
• Start each day with a positive thought about your partner, and how lucky you are to be married to them. Focus on all their good qualities, not the bad.
• Try each day to do something for your spouse, whether it is cooking their favorite dinner, or even just buying a small gift. Even if they are not following this marriage guide with you, your actions will predict their actions and sooner or later they will reciprocate in kind.
• Plan to spend quality time with your spouse or significant other each day, only if it is for a few minutes. Most couples whose marriages are stagnating find the time for everything BUT their spouse.  Love flounders and connections are lost when no quality time is spent with a spouse or significant other.
• Have a date night occasionally, without the kids or any other distractions. This will rekindle the moments when you were first dating.
• Try to sleep together in the same room. Many couples as time march on choose separate bedrooms for various reasons.  This puts a barrier between couples as sharing a bed is an intimate activity.
• Do not put sex on the backburner. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage or any relationship together! By all means, try to make time to have regular sex with your partner.  Intimacy bonds couples like no other type of activity.  When engaged in sex, give pleasure as well as take it, as quantity does not matter as much as quality.

Our Marriage Guide tips and pointers above can assist even if you are separated

Separation from a spouse or significant other does not mean that the relationship is completely broken.  Plenty of separated individuals get back together after a separation.  If, however, you are divorced and remarried or living with someone else, it is never a good idea to go out with your former husband or wife or become intimate with them again even if they offer to console you through difficult times in your current marriage.  This will just create a rift in your marriage and lead to broken trust.  This brings us to the main problem within some marriages, and that is broken trust by having an affair or numerous affairs.  This is a huge barrier to the restoration of trust within a marriage.

First, we will discuss why spouses can cheat in a marriage

1. The sex life within the marriage is poor. This is a major component of cheating within a marriage.  Not all partners will share the same sex drive, with one perhaps having a higher sex drive than the other.  Sex is a natural drive and a partner with a high sex drive who is married to someone with a low sex drive will feel frustrated much of the time.  This can lead to cheating just to satisfy their needs.
2. Emotional needs are not being met. Partners in a relationship can cheat as they do not feel their emotional needs are being met.  A partner that will not listen to their fears, their disappointments, or their frustrations in the outside world, can induce a partner to look outside the marriage.
3. Intimacy is lacking. And here we are not speaking of sexual activity.  Humans are needful of touch of any type and cannot survive without it.  Ensuring that hugging and holding at least occurs throughout a marriage can keep cheating at bay.  Even hand-holding studies show can relieve tension in humans, so minor touches can have a greater impact than you might assume.
4. Yes, sad but true, especially if married or in a relationship for a long time, boredom can set in.  Following the suggestions in Section 2, on how to keep love alive by using date nights and time with each other can relieve boredom.  Planning a long trip away together also can relieve the day-to-day boredom of being with the same person.

How can you get over a spouse or significant other that does cheat on you?

This is the most difficult type of situation to get over.  You will feel betrayed, hurt, and angry all at the same time.  Getting over all these emotions will take time, lots of time.  You might also feel like you are grieving and indeed, you are.  Your spouse or partner must make an effort not to repeat the cheating and instead try to speak honestly about why it has occurred.  Repeated cheating signifies very deep issues within a marriage or relationship, and it will take both parties to work on remedying the underlying issues.  Commitment to continuing the relationship is also necessary and the person who cheated must be as committed to maintaining the relationship as is the person who was cheated on.

Our Marriage Guide article was created to maintain and overcome obstacles in your marriage

After seeing so many marriages and long-term relationships flounder and then die we felt it necessary at AffectionGuide.com, to address the common issues for the death of marriages and relationships.  Other guides will focus on financial woes in a marriage, small habits that annoy, and other minor issues.  We do not focus on communication per se, but on maintaining the stability, and excitement of a marriage or relationship.  Therefore, our focus is on evolving into being a better partner overall, and not mere minor annoyances.  Just as babies grow into children and then into teenagers and adults, marriages and relationships evolve through phases also.  From the initial honeymoon phase to living together amicably, and then to overcoming boredom and huge obstacles in a marriage, this guide is meant to teach you how to prepare and adjust through each phase mentally and emotionally.

Conclusion:

Remember that each relationship is a commitment to yourself and your partner.  Especially in a marriage, there are investments of time, money, and possibly children involved.  Nothing can be taken lightly.  Breaking up is as stressful as staying together many times and jumping from one relationship to the next is not a healthy approach to life.  Change your thoughts and make the small changes we have suggested in this article to bring about a difference in yourself.  Your partner will respond in kind we are almost 100 percent sure of that.  Great marriages and relationships evolve from love, kindness, and understanding. Body language as well as words spoken count for a great deal so be open in both words and in your body language towards your partner.  Rustle their hair, pat their back, or place a hand on their shoulder whenever possible.  Even small gestures, as we have talked about in previous sections mean more than you might realize.

 A strong marriage and relationship can be compared to a great work of art

You will only get out of it as much as you put into it. Whether your spouse or significant other is on board with our Marriage Guide at first will not matter.  Changing your approach is going to be effective in at least improving your marriage and relationship.  The hardest job in the world can be a marriage or long-term commitment.  It is NOT as some individuals claim ’50-50’.  It is 100 percent from each person in a marriage or relationship. AffectionGuide.com saw a need with the rate of divorce increasing worldwide to address the issues in long-term relationships and of course, in marriages, which have a lot at stake when a marriage breaks up.  Picture a canvas of happiness in your mind and apply emotional brushstrokes which will enhance your marriage or relationship each time you have the chance.

Making your marriage or relationship YOUR number one priority will make it work!  Use our Marriage Guide suggestions to have the type of dream relationship you have always wanted, and which will last a lifetime.