You meet someone and make a spontaneous connection. A relationship spawns and everything seems happy and fun. This is a process almost everyone goes through in their love life. As you move forward with the relationship everything seems to come in place, but still, you feel somewhat uneasy.
Your instincts are kicking in as you are mentally preparing for a lifelong partnership. You are sure of the feelings you have towards your partner, but your gut tells you to take a serious look into the relationship and everything that happens around you.
Everyone wants their relationships to be healthy and happy. Telling someone that their relationship might fail is not easy and would break their hearts. But we must realize that like everything else, not all relationships have a happy ending. People often walk away from the ones they thought they would spend their lives with.
The realization that not everything is permanent helps us grow and continue working on ourselves and our relationships. And it also helps when you need to introspect your feelings towards your partner before marriage.
Certain signs show if there is any trouble brewing in the relationship. It can be your feelings towards your partner or a certain thing they do or do not do. Let’s take a look at 13 such signs that will help you prevent your relationship from deteriorating or get out in time.
1. You had Ignored the Red Marks Earlier:
There is a time at the start of a relationship when we often oversee certain things that otherwise would have irked us. It can be something major like your partner talking about their exes too much and comparing you with them. Or something subtle like disrespect for the subordinates.
Yet you chose to continue the relationship because of the good in them. And who doesn’t have a little bit of a bad side? Yet you must not forget these details and should help your partner see the error in their ways and help them grow. A happy relationship is one where the couple helps each other learn, grow, and succeed.
2. You have a Different Value System:
A similarity in beliefs and value systems helps a couple easily understand each other. But if you disagree with your partner on things like family, religion, and money, then it would be a tough task to maintain the relationship long-term.
For example, if you want a nuclear family but your spouse wants to bring their parents to stay, trouble will brew. The same goes if you want to spend and your spouse wants to save or just spend somewhere else.
The similarity in core values will strengthen the bond between you and your partner. If your partner has a different value system or has grown into a different set of values than before, you both need to have a serious talk.
There should be no gap when you are communicating about what you have observed and listen to them calmly. Remember, your partner might be feeling the same and a comfortable environment for the talk would help you both open up.
3. You No Longer Look Forward to Returning Home:
People in a relationship usually get more excited as their workday ends. The thought of their partner waiting for them back at home refreshes their mind. But not everyone feels the same. If you are not happy or are just stressed from your relationship, returning home feels like a horrible idea. You start stretching your work times and roam around in your car for a long while before returning home.
This often happens when your partner is unappreciative of you and demeans you in some manner. The thought that you would have to spend time with them makes you anxious. You love them but you also want to spend as little time as possible with your partner.
If you are feeling sad or anxious at the thought of going back home to your partner, then it is a huge sign that the relationship is not working out for you. If you see that your partner would listen to you and change then try, else keeping yourself happy is your responsibility. And no one can stop you from being happy.
4. You Blame Each Other Instead of Taking Responsibility:
People often make mistakes. And this does not change when they get into a relationship. Mistakes are a part of life, and the best way forward is to accept and improve on them. But sometimes people choose, consciously or subconsciously, to blame their mistakes on their partner.
Pointing fingers at another and trying to shift the responsibility of your actions will get you into a heap of trouble. Accepting your mistake and making your partner understand where you are coming from is not going to demean you. Opening up helps build trust and shows your partner that you are comfortable enough to share your troubles and mistakes with them.
There will be times when you or your partner would be unable to comprehend the situation or will not want to take responsibility. In such a case talking and resolving the issue is the best way forward. If nothing works, ending the relationship would be better for you in the long run.
5. All You Remember is Pain and Negative Memories:
Happy moments and memories are the basis of a long and healthy relationship. These can be your first date, a surprise party, some gift your partner made for you, a long drive, your first kiss, etc. Happy memories help you traverse your relationship through trying times by reminding you about what you have.
But if all you remember are the fights, crying, shouting, being alone, and bitter breakups, then things are not right. Happy memories are formed when you both are giving your relationship everything you got and care about your partner’s happiness a bit more. A relationship is synonymously called a partnership for a reason.
You need to introspect why are you thinking about the negative memories only. It often happens when your relationship is suppressing your true self. It can be because your partner is against you hanging out with your friends or does not want to continue with a hobby or a profession.
If your relationship is restraining instead of helping you grow and succeed, you need to get out and work on yourself.
6. You are Sexually Incompatible:
Although not the most important part of the relationship, sex does play an important role in maintaining the longevity of the relationship. Engaging in subtle sexual exchanges like a kiss on the cheek, pulling your partner into a tight embrace, etc. keep the sparks flying. Liking similar things and encouraging each other to explore their sexuality the way they want is key for healthy sex life.
If you and your partner are not sexually compatible, there will be difficulties in the future. You can talk with your partner about the things you both like and figure out what works for you both. A little flexibility in demeanor and willingness to open yourself to new experiences might help rekindle the lost spark. It takes a lot of communication and work, but where there is love, there is a way.
But if even after trying as much as you can and working to the best of your capability things do not improve, then you need to think about whether to continue the relationship or not.
7. Huge Fights Occur Frequently:
Disagreements happen. And when you are in a serious relationship, small disagreements become a part of life. These disagreements help you learn more about your partner and helps the relationship grow. However, every disagreement in a healthy relationship ends with either a solution or laughter, sometimes both, and rarely turns into a huge fight.
It is normal to disagree with your partner. But if small disagreements are taking the shape of huge fights, you need to address the issue. A different set of values, indifference towards others’ feelings, and insecurity often lead to a stage where arguments replace comprehension and understanding.
If you feel that every little suggestion, disagreement, advice, or just a request is turning into a huge fight, you need to take a step back and introspect. You would not want to spend your days with someone who is not compatible with you and is not ready to understand the difference between disagreements and arguments.
Try relationship counseling to understand and reflect on what is happening. We often live in our own world that starkly contrasts the grim reality.
8. Your Partner is Becoming Unreliable:
Your partner is the first person you share your problems with. Not only the comprehension of your problem is necessary, but the cooperation of your partner in dealing with your problem is also important. Be it coming to pick you when you are stranded or just listening to you when you are venting your stress out.
But if your partner is third, fourth, or further down your emergency contacts list, they either were or have grown to become unreliable for you. This can be either because they have an extremely demanding career and they cannot be available every time. Or they are simply not interested in dealing with your issues anymore.
If your partner is not interested in helping you or just suggesting a solution even when they are available, then there is trouble on the way. You should talk to them about the situation or change your ways.
9. You Both Have Become Secretive:
Every person has some secrets. People in a relationship often share every secret about themselves to their partner as and when they grow comfortable with each other. Not every secret is shared on day one, and not every secret is kept a secret for long. You need to give your partner time to let them share things on their own.
Gradually, a relationship takes a form where you can tell anything to your partner and not worry about any misunderstandings. But if you and your partner are keeping secrets about your daily lives, things are going bad.
Figure out why you are keeping secrets, work on it, and come clean to your partner if you have done something that they will not like. Talk to them about what they are thinking and give them time to share what they have without forcing them.
But if you or your partner is not ready to share the secrets and are hiding certain things you need to think about whether the relationship should be continued or not.
10. The Trust is Falling Apart:
Trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship that continues for the long term. You trust your partner to have your back in tough situations, not cheat and contribute towards growing together.
If somehow you are not able to trust your partner or they are not able to trust you and doubt too much, the relationship is going to deteriorate. It is not healthy if you or your partner are continuously worried about being cheated on.
Ask yourself if you want to continue like this. Communication is key. You can help your partner overcome their insecurities about you. But if things do not improve, you need to find yourself a way out.
11. One of You Have an Addiction Problem:
Addiction is a major problem among youth today. If you or your partner is dealing with addiction, things are going to be tough. You need to work with your partner and help them overcome addiction. There needs to be constant communication and motivation without the pressure that breaks their will or self-respect. Helping out your partner in their addiction is not an easy task.
But if one is not able to deal with their addiction, things are going to difficult for their partner. You should weigh the pros and cons and see if you can help your partner without affecting their mental health. If not, then a peaceful way out is the best way forward.
12. Uncomfortable Conversations are a Taboo:
Real-life is not comfortable all the time. Sometimes you need to have important uncomfortable conversations with your partner to come out of tough situations or just share a secret. A healthy relationship has room for such conversations, where you can pour your heart out without being judged or punished in any form.
If you find yourself unable to hold uncomfortable conversations with your partner, things are not right. You need to work with your partner to make them comfortable enough to hold such conversations. There is also the need to treat the talk sensitively and help them traverse through it, comprehend it, and give their opinions on it.
13. You Cannot See Anything Good in Your Partner:
When you see your partner, it is often only the good thing about them. In a healthy relationship, people see both the good and the bad and help their partners overcome the bad. But if all you can see are the negative points of your partner, your relationship is not as good as you think it is.
You need to introspect why is it that you are unable to see the good in your partner. Have you fallen out of love with them? Have they done anything wrong to you? Do you want to break up but are not able to find the courage to do so?
As soon as you realize the real reason behind the negativity, take action to improve the situation. If the situation cannot be improved come clean to your partner and let them decide what they want to do. Whether they want to help improve the situation or they want to end the relationship is up to them.
A healthy start of a relationship does not necessarily mean that it will succeed. You need to be aware of the direction your relationship is going towards. The above warning signs are major indications that tell you how you want to take major decisions for your love life.