Major problems in our life often take up all our focus and we inadvertently miss out on smaller issues. But more often than not, these small issues are the ones that get us into major trouble and have the potential to even lead to breakups and end our relationship.
People are often asked why they broke up, what led to it, and the story behind it all. Most choose to dodge the question somehow but when they reply it is usually an enormous reason. If you think about it, a breakup story sounds like a downward spiral of lead characters from a romantic novel with a climax huge enough to catch attention.
But every story comprises of several small incidents that lead to another, good or bad. And the main plot point of a story is always a build-up of several small events and issues. Sometimes it is just one small issue that blows up to an extent that it cannot be handled easily, and you must face it head-on.
This does not mean that you have to handle everything in your relationship with baby gloves on. But when you see that small things that you do not like are being repeated, you must figure out a way to control the situation.
In this article, we summarize 10 issues that seem small but have the potential to wreck a relationship and negatively affect the mental health of the people involved. While reading, take a close look at yourself and introspect. Then only can you realize and work towards improving yourself.
1. Being Hypercritical:
People are critical of each other’s actions, and constructive criticism is what helps us improve. But when you start scolding your partner on every small mistake they make, you become the villain. People have bad days, weeks, and even months. Life at this moment is way too fast than what we are designed to handle. If one is not willing to look through the reason behind another’s failures and lashes out, things are bound to turn sour.
Do not confuse hypercriticism with nagging. Think of it like, you had a bad day at the office. Because of a little procrastination at your end, the project was unexpectedly delayed a week, and your boss had a mouthful to say to you. You are mad at yourself and a bit depressed about work. You expect your partner to be a bit understanding if not helpful. But if you get home and they rub it in your face for the next two days, you are going to lash out. That is natural.
You need to remember that your partner is a human and an adult. They are going to make mistakes, such is life. But as an adult, they also can learn from their mistakes. So, sometimes you need to sit back and analyze what is happening, and maybe nudge them in the right direction. You can give them advice on where they can work or just listen to them vent.
This does not mean that you are going to overlook things. If there is an issue that irks you, there is a time, place, and an approach to about it with your partner. Being irrational and hypercritical shows your impatience and arrogance to your partner. It represents that you look down upon your partner and they are going to sense it.
2. Excessive Nagging:
Do you know what people usually hate the most about their partner and parents? Nagging. People are groomed to do things and live their lives in a certain way. Sometimes they are too busy focusing on one thing that they forget about others. Sometimes, they just don’t want to do stuff. Well, there are a lot of reasons to nag about, and one reason to not do it. It is plain annoying. Nobody likes it.
“Why didn’t you put the toilet seat down? Why are you on your phone all the time? Did you reach your office on time? Maybe if you weren’t playing games instead of sleeping early, you wouldn’t be this tired all the time?” And many more things every 5-10 minutes can annoy a person to death.
Consider this, you do not like being pursued about doing things you do not like. But you sure like to get rewarded if you do those things. You are in a relationship with an adult, and the best you can do is lead by cheering them. If your partner sees you as their biggest fan who cheers them when they do something you like, they are going to keep doing it. And if you give them advice if things turn out bad, you get to have a healthy relationship.
3. Never Apologizing:
People do not like to apologize for no reason. But some people do not apologize for any reason whatsoever. Not saying “sorry” may seem like a small issue but think of it as an incapability to acknowledge your mistake and admitting that you were wrong.
If you are someone who likes being appreciated and acknowledged when they have excelled but does not like accepting your mistakes, you have an unrealistic perception of yourself. Stop being so full of yourself. It is not fair for your partner when you have wronged them. And this unrealistic perception of yourself is going to hurt you in the long term.
It is not just about a word or a phrase that you say while apologizing to your partner but more about understanding that you are someone who can make mistakes. Acknowledging our mistakes instead of making an excuse will help you tackle the problem lying underneath. And saying that you apologize for causing them stress/pain/anguish, will make you both feel light and better.
Also, do not let the word “sorry” lose its meaning. If you apologize, then also put some effort into improving yourself. Apologies without improvement are meaningless.
4. Not Praising Them or Saying a Loving Phrase:
This is different from completing your partner’s need for validation. If your partner needs validation it is an entirely different issue. This is more about adding some logs to the flame, praise your partner and get them going for you. Praises are important to keep a relationship fresh, loving, and exciting. Praising your partner with “Damn! You look good,” out of the blue is sure to put a smile on their face.
It is true that some people do not like being praised or do not like praising others, but a relationship completely devoid of little compliments can get boring. Tell them how you feel about them more often. Compliment them on their achievements, on their cuteness, and celebrate small things with big smiles. Being radiant makes life easier and happier.
Everything builds up to something bigger in the end. Compliments give us a sense of security that boosts confidence. The more we are secure and confident, the more we can focus on more important things in life and progress. Your small compliments can be the reason for a happier life.
5. Imbalance in Private and Social Life:
This issue is mostly faced by couples with opposing personalities like an introvert and an extrovert. Say you are an introvert and your partner, an extrovert, keeps inviting people or tries to get you out of your home. You both will gradually get frustrated. Your partner will start feeling bored and resentful and you will get annoyed and irritated.
But the key point is even introverts and extroverts have multiple layers in their personality. You could be an introvert who likes going out, but social interaction is not so comfortable. And your partner could be an extrovert that likes being at home and doing productive things too.
This means that with a proper conversation you can easily figure out a middle ground. Plan activities that appeal to you both and sometimes yield to your partner’s wishes and put a smile on their face. Also, people grow with life. If your partner is comfortable enough with you, they can easily go for the extra miles to make you happy and so can you.
Possibly that little imbalance can help you find more about yourself. I am an introvert but have grown to be social enough to give a public lecture if need be. It is just about what you want and what you can turn into reality.
6. Not Helping in Household Chores:
This is a major issue hidden behind minor inconveniences. It is okay to be messy, everyone is to some extent. But it is acceptable when you take care of your mess periodically. But what if you just kept being messy? Your organized partner is sure to get annoyed, then irritated, and subsequently fed up with your messy lifestyle and lash out at you for it.
You must pull your burden. And now that you are in a relationship, you must keep a lifestyle that is at least comfortable for your partner. Surprise them with a thoroughly cleaned house once in a while, keep your mess to a minimum, clean dishes after you eat, and so on. These small things will show your partner that you are stepping and taking responsibility.
If you are going to leave everything to your partner, they will feel like you are taking advantage of their sincerity. Do not turn your partner into your caretaker.
7. Keeping Your Feelings to Yourself:
Not everyone likes to share their feelings. But everyone needs a way to release their emotional stress. If you keep bottling up your emotions, sooner or later things will explode out. There will be times when your partner will make poor decisions making you angry, irritated, or hurt. But if you are not going to talk about it with them, things will only deteriorate.
Find a way to talk to your partner about their shortcomings and what you feel without nagging, annoying them, or being hypercritical. Lead them into a conversation instead of confronting them. Make them comfortable and show that you can comprehend what they have to say. Set small goals for them in the right direction and be with them wholeheartedly. Everything can be handled easily, lashing out is not an answer and neither is letting things slide.
8. Not Compromising:
You and your partner can have different interests. You can be someone who loves video games and likes to stream online and your partner can be someone who hates video games but likes to organize house parties and small get-togethers. So, should your partner force you to stop playing games and hang out with their guests? Or should you force your partner to not organize house parties and watch you play?
When you are in a relationship, you and your partner need to be able to compromise from time to time. You both have different needs and interests and you both should have space and freedom to fulfill them. They can leave you playing games for a few hours while they do something else, and you can at least attend a few of their house parties.
Maybe you both will find new interests. You might get them hooked on a nice multi-player game and they might get you waiting for that karaoke around a bonfire.
9. Ignoring Your Partner:
No one likes being ignored. Most times we are busy with our work and other commitments that we ignore our partner’s calls and texts. But if you are idle but are still letting their texts float around for two hours, you need to stop. There is no point in keeping your partner waiting for no reason.
If your partner wants your attention and needs advice on something do not ignore them and keep scrolling Instagram. Ignoring your partner signifies that you do not give much importance to what they have to say. And if they feel this way regularly, it is not good for your relationship and their mental health.
Figure out why you do not want to respond to them at the earliest. Talk to your partner about this. We all have felt this way at some point in our relationships. But this is something that one should not make a habit of.
10. Improper Hygiene:
You will be surprised to know how many breakups have improper hygiene as an underlying reason. Proper hygiene should be a part of everybody’s lifestyle. Nobody is asking you to take multiple showers a day or use a lot of health care products. But if you do not shower for a week and still expect to have a steamy night with your partner, then you are crazy. Nobody likes to hang around a person with bad breath, greasy hair, and bad body odor.
Consider this, improper hygiene will hamper your life on both personal and professional fronts. Everyone likes to be around someone who at least looks like they take care of themselves. Your partner will consider showing you around to their family, friends, and colleague only if you are not going with smelly feet and unkempt hair.
Groom yourself. Basic is good. You do not need to go out of your way. But basic hygiene must be maintained. Not only will you feel good, but your partner would also like to see that change in you.
