Flirting is essential to meeting the love of your life, but not everyone knows how to get out there and make a good first impression. If you’re having trouble looking for love, or just need a refresher, we’ve compiled the top flirting tips to help take your game to the next level.
The Art of Flirting
Flirting is a combination of showing someone you’re interested in them without coming off as overly attached or invested. People are turned off and less receptive to conversation and advances if you come on too strongly. On the other hand, being too subtle may not work for you when trying to show the other person you are interested in them.
Flirting is a fine balancing act between these two extremes. We’ve compiled some top tips to help you increase your chances of starting a relationship, and getting your crush to notice you.
1. Be Yourself!
Being yourself is an often overlooked flirting tip that most people forget. It’s extremely easy to get wrapped up in imaging or assuming what the other person is looking for. So much so, that people tend to forget to just be themselves.
Pretending to be something you are not is not a good way to approach a potential relationship. It makes it much harder to have a genuine conversation if you start the encounter on the wrong foot and are offering details about yourself that are fabricated.
It’s important to remember that even if you are able to sell your modified self-image to another person, they will quickly find out who you really are. Keeping up with a lie or persona is tiring, and won’t lead to a long-lasting relationship.
Being yourself right from the get-go is key to a deep connection. Remember, if someone is not interested in who you are, that’s okay! Not everyone is going to be right for you and flirting is a way to weed out who you vibe with. Not vibing with someone during an initial conversation is part of the process.
You’ll meet your Mr. or Mrs. right soon enough if you present yourself as you are and remain confident.
2. Be Confident!
This is a tip that’s easier said than done. Being confident with yourself requires knowing who you are and accepting your flaws. Everyone has baggage, flaws, and things about themselves that they are not happy with or working to change.
Sometimes it is easy to view strangers you have not met as too good for you, or out of your league. The most important thing to remember is that you only have a very small piece of the puzzle as to who the person is that you’re interested in.
Try to avoid placing them on a pedestal, and remember that they’re human too. They are also probably nervous and have many things they are self-conscious about. Flaws are part of being human, and understanding this and accepting your own flaws is the first step to being confident during potentially romantic encounters.
3. Offer Genuine Compliments
We all know that everyone likes compliments! If someone tells you that you have a beautiful smile, or that your hair looks great, it tends to put you in a good mood. Compliments are a powerful component of flirting and show the other party that you are interested in them.
The difference between and random compliment and a genuine compliment is simply the time put into developing the compliment. If you use a canned compliment for everyone you come across, it’s going to sound like you haven’t put much thought into what you are saying. If you tell someone you like their shoes, and they are wearing shoes that they don’t feel deserve a compliment, there’s a good chance they’ll think you use the same compliment with everyone.
Take a moment to analyze the person you’re pursuing. There’s always a genuine compliment that can be offered, and a compliment that makes sense will always get you further than one that seems superficial. A genuine compliment shows the other person that you are interested enough to take the time out of your day to share something you truly like about them.
4. Be an Active Listener and Remember the Small Details
Once you’ve got the conversation started, it’s important to pay attention! This can be hard if you are feeling particularly nervous or intimidated by the other person, but it’s important to try your best to be present in the moment and shed your anxiety.
Actually listening during a conversation may seem like table stakes for flirting or dating, but there are a lot of men and women who simply are more interested in hearing themselves talk than listening to others. Anyone who can listen and remember the details of what is being talked about is therefore at a distinct advantage.
Being an active listener allows you to ask relevant questions to the topic at hand. It shows you are interested and invested in their story, and creates a level of trust and connection that can be essential to progressing past the flirting stage. No one wants to talk to someone who is clearly not listening or more interested in themselves than others.
5. Be Polite
Being polite is always a positive in any flirting situation. Being polite shows the other person that you are respectful and have good manners. Chivalry isn’t dead, and most people would prefer to engage in conversation with someone who is polite as opposed to someone who is overbearing and dominating. Being polite also helps ease the other person’s defenses and shows that you are not a threat to them.
It’s always easier to connect with someone if they are able to feel relaxed and be themselves. In the dating world, people have their defenses up to screen out those that they are not interested in. Being polite and respectful will get you past the first line of defense and allow you to show them just how great you really are.
6. Smile and Be Happy
It’s no secret that people who are happy are more approachable than those who look upset, mad, or down on themselves. If you’re attempting to flirt with someone, you want to look happy and nonthreatening for the best results. This shows your potential partner that you’re a happy person and that being with you will be fun as opposed to boring or more of a chore than a relationship.
While it’s unfair, people quickly judge and make assumptions during flirting. This is because things are happening quickly and you’re trying to figure out who a stranger is based on the limited information in front of you. Demeanor plays a huge role in someone’s initial impression of you as it is one of the only pieces of information that is readily available to them to draw assumptions from.
Smile and let yourself be happy during flirtatious encounters, and you’ll find people are much more receptive to your advances.
7. Make Them Laugh
Everyone loves to laugh. Making someone laugh during a brief encounter is unfortunately quite challenging. Without knowing the person’s sense of humor, it can be hard to tailor jokes to them. Keep things easy, and try to make small jokes when you’ve touched upon an appropriate subject.
This becomes much easier if you are actively listening to the other person as it allows you to draw from their experiences and the flow of the conversation for inspiration. Don’t be too offensive or polarizing, and avoid jokes about sensitive issues such as religion and politics. Save those jokes for a time when you know your audience will appreciate them.
8. Make Eye Contact
Making eye contact shows you are interested in what the person is saying, that you are focused on them and giving them your attention, and helps you to appear confident. Don’t overthink the amount of eye contact you’re making, and do what feels normal.
Typically, people make eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% of the time when talking. Just don’t try to look like you’re attempting to beat them in a staring contest or like you’re more interested in the ceiling than the conversation at hand. Anything in the middle should work just fine!
9. No Cheesy Pickup Lines!
Yes, flirting can be awkward. Everyone feels some level of awkwardness when approaching someone they haven’t met before, but don’t compensate for this uncomfortable feeling by reaching for a canned pickup line to introduce yourself. They don’t work as well as you think they do and they are not usually relevant to what’s going on at the moment.
Most people prefer someone to be genuinely themselves and to simply come right out and express their interest. A simple ‘hello’ and an introduction will work better than a pickup line 9 times out of 10. Bonus points if you are smiling while being polite and confident!
10. Accept That Not Everyone Will Be Interested
Unfortunately, this is a fact of life. Not everyone will be interested in everyone else’s advances. It’s never inappropriate to attempt to flirt or introduce yourself to a new person, but it is inappropriate to continue your advances once the other person has shown they are not interested.
Pay attention, and if someone says they are not interested or appears uncomfortable with your presence, accept it and move on. Understanding that you will not always have success with flirting is the first step to being able to successfully flirt. Don’t be overly discouraged if you get turned down. Everyone has different preferences and that’s okay! Accepting this and moving on will open doors and create opportunities you never knew existed.